DISCLAIMER: Not mine, none of ƒ¢â€š¬‹"em. Saban, DC, Spelling/WB. Based on an episode of LOIS & CLARK: THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN; Pheromone, My Lovely. And nowƒ¢â€š¬‚¦
LOVE GONE WILD by C.A. TURNER
Clark Kent is deep in Morpheus' arms until the piercing ring of his alarm clock jerks him awake. Instinctively he reaches over to pound the snooze button, but he forgets about his strength as Superman, and instead flattens the alarm clock into a pancake. Startled awake, Clark looks at his handiwork, shakes his head, then jumps out of bed and into his closet, exiting moment's later, fully dressed for work at the Daily Planet.
Hungry, Clark goes into the kitchen, and makes himself a super breakfast. First, he takes two eggs, cracks them open, throws them on a plate, adds three strips of bacon and fries them with his heat vision. Next, he reaches in the fridge, takes out a full gallon of milk, downs it in one gulp, then tosses it out of the window above his sink. The milk container lands in the garbage bin just as a garbage man arrives to push the bin towards his truck.
As Clark finishes his breakfast, he hears the sound of the trash men in the distance, then a look of horror comes over his face as he remembers... what has he done? He goes into hyper-speed out the door, and soon, in his Superman garb, races down the alley and toward the street. Superman flies down toward the garbage truck, lands, and stops the truck by holding onto the side panels.
The poor truck driver is understandably stunned as he looks in his rear-view mirror. What happened?
What's happening is that Superman is reaching into the truck just as its metal jaws are closing, and finds the empty milk carton. He then flies back to the alley, and lands, but, this time, puts the carton of milk into the Recycling Canister near the trash bin.
A little boy has just finished emptying a plastic bag into the trash and stares up at Superman in awe. Superman turns to him and smiles, saying as he flies away " Remember, it's not just garbage, anymore.
While Superman is winging towards the Daily Planet, the rest of the Justice League of America, including their then newest members, the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, are at a scheduled meeting in the Hall of Justice, in Metropolis. " Any idea why we're meeting here?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ A visibly annoyed Black Canary muttered.
" Something that Maxwell Lord arranged with the UN. Apparently, we need to be more accessible.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Hawkman frowned.
" Great way to ruin Spring Break!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Kimberly Hart, the Pink Pterodactyl Ranger, grumbled. Laurie Partridge, the Pink Cheetah ThunderCat couldn't help but agree.
Zack Taylor snarled " Hey, Bats, any chance we can make Max pay, and with lots of pain?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Obviously, we are going to have to deal with Max in the near future, but in the meantime, let's get down to business.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ The Dark Knight then smiled as Wonder Woman came in, and sat down next to him.
Meanwhile, at the Daily Planet, the usual suspects convene at the early morning staff meeting. All are tired grumpy, badly in need of caffeine. Perry White, editor of the Planet, takes that first important sip, winces as he swallows. He then shouts " Dishwater!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois Lane snaps " Even my coffee's better than this.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" How's a newspaper supposed to run without a decent cup of Java?!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Perry continues.
Catherine ƒ¢â€š¬‹"Cat' Grant, the fashion reporter, decides to make an early dig on Lois by starting " Anyone for herbal tea? Does wonders for the complexion. You should try it, Lois. Really, you should.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Not at all pleasant in the morning, Lois quickly snaps back " Wow, will you look at that wrinkle? Sorry, Cat, it's not your clothing.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ she sweetly finishes.
As Cat growls, Perry asks " Clark, the dockworker strike?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Pointing to the newsroom, Clark tells him " See those two guys?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ In the newsroom, there is one man in a suit, the other in rough, workmen's clothes. Both are in each other's faces. Clark then continues " Negotiations have broken down again. I'm interviewing the union and management reps...separately.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Perry smiles. " Good idea. Lois, about that article you wrote on the fruit fly infestation -- could you maybe, if it isn't too much trouble, give it another go? And this time, put some zing into it!
Lois turns and replies " Happy to, Chief. It's such an...ƒ¢â€š¬‚ she then gives a purposeful yawn, then continues " ...exhilarating subject matter.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Mornings were definitely not her thing.
Photographer Jimmy Olsen then asks " Here's what I don't understand. If this malathion spray is so safe, how come they tell you to put your pets inside when they're using it?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Precautionary measure.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ As he finishes, the door to the conference room opens and
Rehalia, a fifty-ish Ecuadorian janitoress enters to empty the trash bins. She hesitates for a moment, but Perry waves her inside, saying " That's okay, Rehalia, come on in.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Focusing on his staff again, he continues " I suppose we should lead with the latest counter-revolution in Russia.
" I believe it's counter-counter-revolution, Chief.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark corrects.
" Who can keep track... what the Sam Hill's going on?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ the Chief then asks.
Cameras, lighting equipment, and a model's runway are being hauled in followed by troops of technicians, denim-clad photographers and their assistants.
Cat clarifies for everyone " Chief, you remember. Today's the day they're using the newsroom, and the Hall Of Justice as backdrops to introduce their new fragrances... 'Exclusive.'ƒ¢â€š¬‚¦and at the Hall Of Justiceƒ¢â€š¬‚¦'Superpower' Maxwell Lord and marketing set it up.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark chuckles to himself {Batman and the others are going to LOVE that.}
Perry frowned. " Marketing... no, I don't remember.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Cat added with " It's been on for months. Look, there's Elle Taylor, and...Rachel Roberts and April Stephens! I have to get an interview...ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Cat looks to Perry who nods and Cat's out the door.
Lois sighs in frustration. " How're we supposed to get any work done around here?
Jimmy's staring at the girls as they file in, not paying any attention to Lois in the least. " Who cares? Chief, look at her.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Saying this as he points but Perry turns away. " I can't look, Jimmy. Alice would have my hide.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
A bemused Clark asks " How would she find out?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" The woman has spies everywhere.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Jimmy looked at April and asked " You don't think there's any small possibility that a girl like that would go out with a man like me?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois and Clark both frowned, and everyone else just kind of looked funny. " Thought so.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Meanwhile, in Lex Luthor's office suite, two fencers, in masks and full gear, duel the length of the room, knocking over furniture, smashing a vase, etc... One leaps up on the desk to escape certain death, then leaps off again to thrust, finds an opening in his attacker's side. A tiny spot of blood seeps through the material. The fencers remove their masks. The victor isƒ¢â€š¬‚¦Lex Luthor, who bows to his Fencing Partner, who returns the bow, then exits the room, holding his side. Nigel enters, announcing " A Ms. Miranda to see you, sir.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor is less than pleased, and glances at the clock, finally saying " All right, Nigel, show her in. Two minutes only.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Very good, sir.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor moves to his desk to light a cigar as Nigel shows Miranda, a beautiful woman dressed in eclectic, ethnic attire, inside. Would that her beauty matched her mood...
" You cut me off, you rotten son of a...ƒ¢â€š¬‚ she started, when Luthor interrupted " Temper, temper, Miranda. There's no reason to resort to name calling.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" No reason? You cancelled my funding! How am I supposed to continue my research?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Miranda. Let's face facts. Two years ago you walked into this office and offered me a working, practical application of your theory within six months. You claimed that by adding an animal pheromone to your perfume it would cause the person wearing it to lose
all their inhibitions and...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda said triumphantly " But I've done it! I can prove it to you! True, the solid compound wasn't working but I reduced it to a liquid and...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor, however, cut her off, saying " Sorry , Miranda. In the final analysis, I do not fund losers.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Unfazed, Miranda takes another tack. She slowly, sensually approaches him, running her hands along his chest, purring " What about... us?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Us? You were an itch. You've been scratched.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda is pissed. She pushes him away, wild with emotions, shouting " You can't treat me like this. It was a labor of love, for you... all for you!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Nigel enters, paying no attention to Miranda's rantings. " Excuse me, sir. Lois Lane is on
the phone, confirming your dinner Friday night?
Luthor smiles and tells him " Yes, Nigel. I'll take that call. I believe Miranda's time is up.
Will you kindly show her out?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Luthor turns his back to her, picks up the phone. Miranda
looks down at the table, picks up a copy of the Daily Planet. The headline by-line reads: Lois Lane.
Luthor then beings his new conversation into the phone, saying " Lois? How are you? Yes, I'm looking forward to seeing you as well.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ As this is going on, Nigel takes Miranda by the arm and leads her out.
Miranda is still clutching the newspaper in a darkened room in her perfume shop, sitting at her desk. Daru, her black cat, sits in her lap as Miranda strokes her soft fur. Miranda sighs, utterly disconsolate, then reaches for an ancient-looking letter opener and slices open some of her mail. One particular note strikes her interest. It says:
You are invited to attend the premiere party of
our newest fragrances:
SUPERPOWER
And
EXCLUSIVE
at the world famous Hall Of Justice
and the Daily Planet.
Miranda then puts the invitation in her pocket. She picks up Daru, gently puts her down on the floor. Then, she reaches for a vial of liquid on her desk and a funnel, evilly repeating the words she said to Luthor: " Ooh, I can prove it to you.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
At the Hall Of Justice, the Rangers, along with the Justice Leaguers that are there are trying to avoid the influx of models there, getting in the way. Jason, Zack, Tommy, Chris, Bill, Dan Aydelott, the new Shadow ThunderCat, and Hal, being red-blooded American males, are enchantedƒ¢â€š¬‚¦as is, oddly enough, Batman. Wonder Woman frowns at this. " Lovely. I am definitely going to find this Maxwell Lord and make him pay dearlyƒ¢â€š¬‚¦in pain.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Save something for me.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Trini Kwan added.
Just then, Miranda arrives, spraying anyone in sight with her perfume, saying " This new scent is simply divine! You will love it!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Hawkman gets a full blast. " Where did you get the idea from, lady, a sewage plant?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Jason had the same thought. " Christ! Did a cow just shit in here?!?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" You pay good money for this garbage?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Chris asked Laurie and Kimberly.
" Only for the good stuff.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Laurie told her little brother.
Kimberly quickly added " If perfumists made anything like this, women would boycott.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Diana said it for everyone. " I think I'm going to be sick.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Meanwhile, the newsroom has been transformed into a veritable perfume/fashion show complete with models and a runway. As the models move in and out of the crowd, they spray everyone with the new fragrance. Photographers are everywhere, snapping pictures. Lois, Clark and Jimmy huddle outside Perry's office. Lois philosophizes, while
Clark and Jimmy soak up the view.
" HMPH! The beautiful people.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois says in disgust.
An awestruck Jimmy dreamily sighs " Yeah.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Ignoring this, Lois continues her rant. " It's such a sad comment on society. Dress a certain way, smell a certain way, and the world will love you.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
As she says this, A gorgeous model passes by and gives Clark the eye. He quickly comments " Yeah. Sad, Lois, very sad.ƒ¢â€š¬‚, not meaning a word.
" Anyway, like I said before, we'll never get anything done today.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ She finishes.
Clark then suggests " So... why don't we take the day off?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Because it's a work day, Clark.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Haven't you ever played hookey, Lois?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Never. Besides, what's so great about playing hookey?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Being someplace you're not supposed to be, doing something you're not supposed to doƒ¢â€š¬‚¦It's just, you know... fun.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" I had a lot of fun in high school. Chess club. Math club. Year book editor.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Wow.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ The sarcasm is obviously evident in Clark's voice.
Lois quickly picks up on that. " What are you saying, Clark? That I'm not a fun person, that I don't know how to have fun?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark looks at Lois, her hands on hips, and grins evilly. Lois turns to Jimmy...
" I didn't say a word!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Suddenly, without warning, Miranda, exiting quickly from the teleport tube set up by Max Lord, just as she did at the Hall Of Justice, appears dressed in a "peasant" blouse, long skirt, shawl, and wearing a hat that covers her eyes, appears in front of them and positions her atomizer in the spray position.
" Have you tried my new fragrance?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois starts " No, thank you. I don't wear...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Then, Miranda sprays: Lois, Clark, Perry and Jimmy get dosed, right before Lois can finish " ...perfume.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Perry, Clark and Jimmy try to wave the odor off as Miranda quickly disappears into the crowd.
Perry frowns. " Gee, what is that? Smells like eau de sweatsocks.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Jimmy gets this pained look on his face. " What died?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Perry goes back into his office. Jimmy and Clark are still waving the scent away. Lois quickly snaps " That stuff's probably three hundred dollars for a quarter ounce. It's highway robbery!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
At this time, Cat grant is with one of the models, April Stevens. Cat is trying to pump info out of her, taking down everything she says. The rumors about you and Kevin...
Fed up, April still is gracious, saying " We're just friends, really.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Uh huh. And that story about you and Mel...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
This time, April's had enough. " No comment.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ She then walks away.
Miranda still continues to circulate, spraying her fragrance at news staffers on her way out of the pit and up into the lobby.
Later, at the Hall Of Justice, Wonder Woman is looking rather intently at the Batman. Diana then walks over to the Dark Knight, grabs him and frenches him right there. Batman quickly returns the kiss.
Likewise, throughout the Hall, Tommy and Kimberly are all over each other, Hawkman & Hawkwoman are flying through the sky in liplock, Isis & Green Lantern are necking in a corner, Jason, & Samantha are making dates with Jamie Zedden and Skull, Laurie & Zack are giggling and smiling at each other, Chris is talking to a new girl in his class, Tracy is trying to call Justin Steed, and Flash is trying to stay away from a now lovestruck Black Canary, just as Trini can't seem to keep her hands off Billy. Keith, the Red ThunderCat walks in right then. " What the hell's going on here?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
In answer, a visiting Prue Halliwell, who has received a blast of the aphrodisiac perfume, grabs him and smooches him in the doorway, just as her sister Piper and her brother in law Leo can't seem to keep their hands off each other. Paige Matthews and Dan are practically sucking each other's faces. Phoebe, the one Halliwell who hasn't been blasted, asks " Is everyone in here in ƒ¢â€š¬‹"Sex And The City' mode, or what?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
At the Planet, the runway and, for the most part, the beautiful people have gone, the newsroom having settled down to it's usual, peaceful buzz. Lois, however, is sitting at her desk, staring at Clark Kent. Unconsciously, she starts unbuttoning the first two buttons of her blouse. Clark, hunched over his computer, fails to notice. Lois pulls out a compact, puts some lipstick on, then gets up, and very sexily strolls over to Clark's desk, sits on the edge of it, crosses her legs, hiking up her skirt in the process, purring " Clark.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark continues typing into his work processor. " Just a sec, Lois, I...ƒ¢â€š¬‚ He then sees the leg, looks slowly up to the unbuttoned blouse, the strange, dreamy-eyed expression on
Lois' face. Lois asks " What'cha working on?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" The dock strike. You know, the two sides aren't really that far apart.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois moves closer, asking huskily " How far apart are they, really?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
A stunned Clark asks " Lois... are you feeling okay?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Moving closer, Lois says " Never better. I just... couldn't help noticing how very... handsome you look today.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark is stunned. This is the woman who said yesterday she wouldn't go out with him if he was Earth's final shot for procreation. " Handsome?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Very.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark isn't buying this. Something's up. " Oh. I get it. What do you want? Research? Your VCR fixed? A ride to the airport? Blind date with your cousin?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois is still smitten. " No. I don't want anything. Except... you.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark is now seriously confused.
In his office, Perry White seems to be as loopy as Lois is acting today. Perry has his feet up on the desk, listening to the sounds of Elvis' "Burning Love." Just then, Rehalia comes inside to empty the trash. As she bends over to retrieve it, Perry sits up, staring at her ample backside. A strange lascivious grin on his faceƒ¢â€š¬‚¦
In the newsroom, Jimmy watches as Cat finishes up her interview with April. The women stand, shake hands. Cat walks off, while April searches for her compact in her purse. Jimmy stands, pulls up his collar, puts on his photographer's vest, and casually strolls over to April, now powdering her face. Jimmy, a sly, insouciant smile on his lips,
leans against a desk, trying his damnedest to be Mr. Cool. " Hey there.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
April looks up at him, then continues with her powdering.
" The name's Olsen. James Olsen. I guess you've heard of me.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
April sighs, then says " No, I haven't.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" No problem. Most people just know me through my photographs. Bosnia? Beirut? Nam?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Jimmy's gone a little far with ƒ¢â€š¬‹"Nam, and April isn't buying. " Look, James...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" You can call me Jimmy. Listen, let's cut to the chase. You like what you see. I like what I see. Shall we say, cocktails, tomorrow night, your place?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
April has had enough. She snaps her powder compact shut, breezes by with a " Get over yourself!ƒ¢â€š¬‚, then sneers. Jimmy, undaunted, remains in the same position. " Okay. No problem. My place.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Cat is angrily pounding on the machine, which has failed to deliver her needed copies. The door opens and in walks the copy repair man, Phil, a plain, balding man in his forties. " What seems to be the problem?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Cat sighs " This thing ate my original.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Let's take a look.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Phil opens the copy machine, starts fiddling with it. Cat has taken an unusual interest in him, stands and stares with her arms folded across her chest. She then smiles and tells him " You're pretty deft at this... I mean, it looks like you know what you're doing.
" I've always been good with my hands.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Oh, really?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Cat then starts moving closer to himƒ¢â€š¬‚¦
At the Hall of Justice, Billy is trying to keep at least three steps away from Trini, while Keith is trying, without any success, to keep Laurie and Zack apart. " What is with you 2?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ the Red Lion ThunderCat bellows in frustration.
" Nature taking it's course. Speaking of whichƒ¢â€š¬‚¦ƒ¢â€š¬‚Prue continued in singsong, planting a wet one on him, just as Batman & Wonder Woman were eyeing each other rather intently. Isis came in just then. " I think some love god has gone out of controlƒ¢â€š¬‚¦ƒ¢â€š¬‚ then sees Billy, Flash, and Keith trying to avoid their clinging teddy bears, and sees Phoebe hiding under a desk to get away from a visiting Cole Turner.
Back in the Daily Planet offices, Lois chases after Clark, and soon pins him up against the wall. Clark urges her " Lois, please. Get a grip.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Believe me, I'd love to.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark tries to reason with her, saying " Lois, I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but this is making me very... uncomfortable.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois smiles. " Let's get out of here.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Out of here?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Yes.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Oh, now you want to play hookey?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Desperately.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark is more than surprised by Lois' behavior. " But... we have work to do.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Forget about work, forget about time, forget about the rest of the world.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois purrs.
Just then Perry's door flings open and a screaming Rehalia exits, with Perry calling after her " Wait! Mi amor! My peach pie! Te adoro!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark manages to slip out of Lois' grasp, walks up to Perry. " Chief? What happened... is Rehalia okay?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" 'Okay' doesn't begin to describe her. I want to shower her with gifts, build her a golden pedestal, adore her. She's everything I've ever dreamed of.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark is amazed at first Lois' then Perry's behavior. " What about your wife?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" My wife?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Yes. Alice. Your wife. The woman who has spies everywhere?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Clark, there's plenty of love to go around, son.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Perry takes off in pursuit of Rehalia. Clark is very frustrated, doesn't know how to stop the madness, and tries a desperate tack: " Elvis never cheated on Priscilla!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" He never met Rehalia!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Perry shouted over his shoulder.
Lois is tugging at Clark's sleeve. " Lois, just a minute.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark sees something unusual, and races toward the copy room. The door is closed, and the copy machine is going at full tilt, with tiny wafts of smoke coming from under the door. Clark X-RAYS through the door, but then, immediately shuts his eyes, amazed as to what he has just seen and what we can only imagine. " Oh, myƒ¢â€š¬‚¦ƒ¢â€š¬‚ He turns back and runs into...Lois. " Minute's up, Clark. Come to mama.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
As Lois pulls Clark towards her, at the elevators, Miranda surveys her handiwork. Love's got a stranglehold on both the Hall Of Justice and the Daily Planet.
The next day, Luthor sits at his desk, buried in paperwork, when the door opens and his fencing partner, in full regalia, enters. Luthor looks up. " Oh, Emil. I didn't see you on my
schedule... if you'll wait a few moments, I'll...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
But the masked fencer will not wait, walks up to Luthor's desk and points the blade at his chest. Luthor drops his pen, stares up at his attacker, who then thrusts the blade a tiny bit. A tiny trickle of blood seeps through his shirt. Luthor's eyes grow wide with fear as the fencer now removes the mask. It's Miranda.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor quickly recovers. He asks, in a controlled tone " Miranda. What a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda says in a snappish tone " You wouldn't return my calls, so I decided to get your attention in my own way.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" You've got it.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda declares " Call your man. Tell him to have the car brought around.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Are we going somewhere?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" You are. 1st,ƒ¢â€š¬‚¦ to the Hall Of Justice, then, to the Daily Planet. I think you'll find them both...interesting.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Miranda removes the blade from Luthor's chest, tosses a copy of the Daily Planet newspaper in front of him, turns, and walks out. Luthor picks up the newspaper. The "o's" in the Daily Planet ' headline are in the shape of hearts. The headline reads:
Couple Reunited! Love wins out!
Luthor sits for a moment, then presses his intercom. " Nigel. Have the car brought around.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark gets off the elevator, along with Keith Partridge, Phoebe Halliwell, and Billy Cranston, and the four walk into the lobby area.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ You won't believe the Hall Of Justice, Clark, it's like the ƒ¢â€š¬‹"Love Boat' over thereƒ¢â€š¬‚¦ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Billy starts.
The foursome then look down into the newsroom, and stop dead in their tracks. It is practically a whole new world. News staff walk hand in hand, hearts and flowers everywhere, and piped-in MUSAK from the "love" station.
Keith says it for them. " Good God, it's like the ƒ¢â€š¬‹"Love Boat' here, too.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark shakes his head, then sees Lois running toward him, in slow motion, to the strains of "Love is a Many Splendored Thing." She wears a white lace dress, her hair half up, half down, with flowers in it. When she reaches Clark, she flings herself into his arms, as Billy, Phoebe, and Keith start giggling.
" Clark! Where have you been, my darling?!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark has no choice but to hold her, over her shoulder, he gets a better look at the newsroom. Clark then takes Lois by the hand. " Lois, come with me. We have to talk.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Yes. We do. I have so much to say.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
As Lois leads Clark away, Keith, Phoebe, and Billy start to grin. Clark gives all three of them a warning: " Shut it!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
In Perry's office, Rehalia, hand on hip, stands in front of Perry's desk, speaking in a lusty latino accent. " My husband says I should file a sexual harassment suit against you.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Perry is still under the grip ofƒ¢â€š¬‚¦whatever it is. " If that's what you want, then go ahead. But nothing can keep me from proclaiming my love. I won't force anything. I'm content to adore you from afar. Listen...I've composed a little something...ƒ¢â€š¬‚ he then pulls out a piece of paper, and continues " ƒ¢â€š¬‚¦I call 'it 'Rehalia.'ƒ¢â€š¬‚ What followed is why some people should never try to compose poetry.
" I plucked a rose. I smelled it's dew.
That fragrant scent, embodies you.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Rehalia takes this in for a moment, then snidely responds. " 'I smelled its dew?' Dew doesn't smell.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
While Billy and Keith are snickering like crazy, Clark leads Lois to a quiet spot in the pit. They pass by the copy room, where the machine is still running at full tilt. Clark sits Lois in a chair, sits in front of her, desperately trying to get through. " Lois. Listen to me. You are not in control.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" I know that, Clark. For the first time in my life...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
The snickers turn into giggles as Clark continues " No, no... There is something very strange going on around here.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Yes. Strange and... wonderful.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
The Blue Morphin Ranger, the youngest Charmed One, and the Red ThunderCat are now doubled over with laughter as Clark desperately tries to reason with Lois. " Lois! You're not yourself! You've changed, everybody around here has changed.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" But, for the better.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark glares at the 3 laughing heroes. 1st, he says to them: " Shall I call Trini, Cole, & Prue?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ This shuts them up, as he then returns his attention to Lois. " Lois, snap out of it! I need you to help me figure out what's happened. Please. Concentrate.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Okay.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark now feels that he has made some progress. " Good. Now, it all started yesterday afternoon.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" I remember.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
This gets both Keith and Billy thinking. This also happened at the Hall Of Justice yesterday. Clark sees them thinking, and continues their train of thought with " It seems to have affected almost everyone in the newsroom. Maybe something we drank or ate?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Phoebe and Keith look at Billy. " Possibly.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ is all the Blue Ranger can say.
Lois sits on Clark's lap, and giggles " I had Chinese Chicken salad, and you had a steak sandwich with fries...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Keith lets go with a stray chuckle as Clark picks Lois up and sits her back down on her chair. " What else? The models were here, with the perfumeƒ¢â€š¬‚¦ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Billy, Phoebe, and Keith react like they were struck by lightning, then all four shout " THE PERFUME!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Just then, Jimmy walks by, carrying a stack of black and white photos. Clark stops him. " Jimmy, what're those?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Jimmy smiles as he says " Photos from yesterday's show.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Showing Clark a picture of April, he continues " Beautiful, isn't she? And she's all mine.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Keith whispers to himself ƒ¢â€š¬"Oh, brother!-
Clark is more than a little concerned. Both the JLA and the Planet? And why were he, Billy, Isis, Keith, Phoebe, and Sabrina apparently immune to this. The Flash could be explained as his hyperfast immune system burned it out of him. " Jimmy, be careful. I... don't want you to get hurt.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Hurt? How could I get hurt? Jimmy walks off, leaving Clark to stare after him, shaking
his head. Clark takes the photos, spreads them out on a nearby table. Keith & Billy join him in taking a look.
Lois joins them. " What're we looking for?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Keith thinks before speaking. " A common thread.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark adds " I don't know what that thread is. But remember when...there!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark points to a picture of himself, Lois, Jimmy and Perry being sprayed by Miranda. Clark studies her face, as much as he can underneath the hat, then lowers his glasses and uses his telescopic vision to zero in on the perfume atomizer. Leaded glass, hand-blown shape, antique, very rare. Keith & Billy take a look and remember seeing her at the Hall Of Justice with all the models. She was there too. The common link.
By now, Lex Luthor has stepped off the elevator. He looks around, amazed at the transformation. He walks down the ramp, sees Lois and Clark, walks toward them. Perry passes by on his way out. Luthor smiles and says " Good morning, Perry.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Perry smiles as he goes by, speaking " Gotta run, Lex. Love waits for no man.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Keith, Billy, Phoebe, and Clark look like they've had an inspiration. He stands, but Lois grabs onto his hand. " Where're you going?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Billy looks at Keith -Ten bucks says she snaps out of it before he takes advantage.-
Keith responds ƒ¢â€š¬"Twenty-nine says he kisses her before that!-
Phoebe snickers ƒ¢â€š¬"What are you, pikers? Thirty says he lays a liplock on her tonight!-
-You're on!-
Ignoring the three of them , Clark tells Lois " Just downstairs, to the newsstand.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" I'll come with you.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" I'll be right back.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Cross your heart and hope to die?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark sighs wearily " Scout's honor.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois happily hugs him. Keith looks at Phoebe. ƒ¢â€š¬"I haven't seen so much sugar except in a bottle of pancake syrup!-
Phoebe agrees. ƒ¢â€š¬"I know. I felt like I was watching ƒ¢â€š¬‹"Donny & Marie!'-
Luthor watches-the byplay between Lois and Clark with much interest. When Clark walks off toward his desk, Luthor approaches Lois, who is still staring dreamily after Clark. " Lois?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois whirls around. " Oh. Lex.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Things have certainly changed around here.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Have they? I hadn't noticed.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor is surprised by her remark. " You hadn't...Are we still on for dinner tomorrow night?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois smiles and tells him " Sure. But please understand something. There's only one man in the world for me.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ She pauses, then continues with " Clark Kent.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois watches as Clark runs up the steps to the elevators. Luthor turns and watches this as well. He is smiling, but is still shocked.
That night, Jimmy is driving a shiny, newly-rented Corvette. He stops in front of a club, and hops out, wearing a "Miami Vice" suit, and loafers with no socks. Jimmy then walks casually past a gargantuan bouncer/doorman, named Hans, who stops him. " Members only.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" No problem.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Jimmy reaches in his pocket, takes out a five, slips it to Hans, who looks at the bill, puts it in his mouth and eats it. Just then, April and several of her VIP friends exit the club. Jimmy slips in front of April, still playing Mr. Debonaire. " April... I didn't know you were a member here.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
April is clearly getting fed up with him. " Are you?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Me? No way. I hate these kind of places. I prefer to spend my nights by a roaring fire. A glass of wine. A beautiful woman.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ There is a rather short pause, then " Let's stop playing games, April. Hop in and let me show you what you've been missing.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
April stares at him, then... " Hans!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ The bouncer then approaches Jimmy, who puts his hands up. " Okay, big boy. I get the picture.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
April turns and walks down the street with her friends. Jimmy stares after her, devastated. He then walks past his sports car and starts to cross the street without looking. Suddenly he looks up, and sees a truck headed right for him, horn blaring.
Superman, currently on his nightly patrol, is flying around in the darkened sky, stops, looks down, sees Jimmy... and zooms downward. The truck is inches away. Just in time, Superman snatches Jimmy up in his arms. " Jimmy? Are you all right?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Jimmy seems to snap out of it, momentarily. " I think so. What happened?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Come on. I better take you home.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Perry stops in front of an apartment doorway, sets down a portable radio. He is wearing black leather pants, and a black leather jacket. Positioning himself, Elvis Style, he then turns on the radio. To the strains of "Burning Love," he starts singing. "I'm just a hunka hunka burning love..."
It's not long before other apartment doors start opening and slamming. Finally, the door he wants to open, opensƒ¢â€š¬‚¦but standing in front of Rehalia is her 6'3" husband, whose immense fist fills the screen en route to Perry's nose.
Clark sits on the floor in his living room, glasses off, with several women's magazines spread out in front of him. We notice his phone has been taken off the hook. At superspeed, Clark flips through the magazine, paying particular attention to the advertisements, stopping, every once in a while, to look at a perfume bottle at regular speed. Finally, he flips through a large fashion magazine, stops and stares when he finds...The Woman who sprayed him in the Daily Planet, and apparently at the Hall Of Justice, stands behind the counter of a tiny store with hundreds of perfume bottles. The name of the shop is: Miranda's. Clark then checks her photograph, and one of the atomizers against the black and white photo Jimmy had, then smiles, writes down the information. He hears his doorbell RING, puts his glasses on, jumps up to answer it. When he flings open the door, he's amazed to see...Lois, standing in the doorway, wearing a trench coat. " Loisƒ¢â€š¬‚¦It's very late.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Not too late, I hope. For us. For happiness.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois unties the trench coat. Underneath, it seems that she's wearing a harem outfit.
" Oh, no. Lois, please don't.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois walks inside, kicks the door closed behind her. She steps in front of Clark, puts her arms around him. " I love you, Clark Kent. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark is now completely flustered. " Lois, please, go home.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois, however, will hear none of it. " You're here. This is my home.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Frustrated beyond belief, Clark speaks " Lois, you don't know how much I've thought about, dreamt about thisƒ¢â€š¬‚¦wellƒ¢â€š¬‚¦something like thisƒ¢â€š¬‚¦very moment... but it's not real. I mean, what you're feeling isn't real. I don't know exactly how, but there was something in the perfume that affected people in the newsroom, and apparently at the Hall Of Justice. Made them drunk... on love. Lois, I just can't take advantage of you this way.
Lois, undaunted, won't let go. She stares deeply into his eyes, then steps back in amazement. " You know, it's remarkable. I never noticed before.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark is now curious, eyes wide with apprehension. " What?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" You look a lot like... Superman.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois sighs and falls happily into his arms.
At the Hall Of Justice the next morning, Kimberly & Tommy are looking at each other. Both were in the Monitor Room, in each other's arms. " Oh boy!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Kim thinks to herself, then wakes up the White Ranger. " TOMMY!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
He quickly wakes up, then sees Kim in his arms. " What happened?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" That's what we wanna know!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Laurie shouts from the doorway, Zack standing next to her.
" Anyone seen Wondy & Bats?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Green Lantern asks. He and Black Canary have had an awkward awakening, and were trying to avoid each other as much as possible.
" In here, guys!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Chris shouted. He was going there to work out when he sawƒ¢â€š¬‚¦
Batman & Wonder Woman curled up together under Bats' cape. Both were in their birthday suits. " Doesn't anyone knock around here?!?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Diana snapped.
" What, and miss this? No way!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Trini giggled.
Meanwhile, it seems that Clark has had a tough night. Still dressed in last night's clothes, he paces up and down in front of the sofa. A tray of food is on the floor and every time he comes to it he just levitates a foot off the floor, then comes down to continue his pacing. In his bedroom, Lois stirs, awakens, sits up, puts her hand over her forehead, feels like she has a hangover. She gets out of bed, unaware that she still has on her harem outfit, then slowly lifts her head, looks around as if to say ƒ¢â€š¬" where the hell am I?-
Clark meanwhile, may be super, but he's still a man and can no longer resist Lois' offer. He walks toward the bedroom area just as Lois appears and starts toward him. Unaware that Lois is back to normal, Clark takes her in his arms, saying " Lois, I can't take it anymore. if you really want me. I'm yours.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Since she is once more her old self, Lois, incredulous, pushes him away, shouting " Clark, Have you lost your mind?!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Then, Lois realizes where she is, what she's wearing. " Oh my...or have I lost mine?!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
10 minutes later, Lois and Clark sit on the sofa, as far away from each other as possible. Lois, now wearing her trench coat, has her head in her hands, far too embarrassed for words. There's coffee on the coffee table. Lois takes a sip. Clark looks over to her. " Are you feeling better?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" No.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Are you going to talk to me?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois sighs " No. I'm too humiliated.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark tries to get her to forget it, saying " Lois, I told you, you weren't yourself. It's just lucky that the stuff wore off in time... uh, to stop you from further humiliating yourself.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
There is a rather uncomfortable pause before Lois asks " Did I really do the Dance of the Seven Veils?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark nods. " Yep. All seven.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois gives an audible grunt of complete misery as he tells her " Lois, please. Let's forget about last night. We have to find this Miranda. We have to find out what's in this stuff, and how and why she's using it. Keith Partridge is waiting for us at the office, he's helping us on this.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ But Lois still can't forget.
Clark appeals to her reporter side by saying " Lois. I need you. I need my partner back.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois thinks about this a minute, then jumps up. " All right! I'm going home to get dressed. I'll meet you back here in one hour.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ She then grabs her purse, keys, and veils and harem outfit, and heads for the door. Lois then turns around and adds " And don't even think of making me wait.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
After she exits, Clark smiles. " She's back.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Later, after picking up Keith at the Planet, the three are on a street like Melrose Place, with lots of arty boutiques. Lois exits a cab to find Clark and Keith waiting for her. They enter Miranda's tiny shop, and as they enter, chimes above the door ring out. With the lights on, the three get a much better look at the place. It's small, but fascinating. The shelves are lined with hundreds of antique perfume bottles the cabinets full of incense, soaps, candles and scenes in every shape and form. There is a working area on one side of the shop, with Miranda's desk, many extracts, vials and a microscope. Lois and Clark wander around the shop, while Keith stays by the door. From the back, through a curtain, Miranda appears, and recognizes all three of them. She puts on her best behavior, smiling as she asks " Looking for something in particular?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Something for my new girlfriend.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Keith fidgets, thinking about Prue's behavior 2 days ago.
" Uh, no. Not really.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois says
" A gift? Something for a friend whose love has soured?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Well, things haven't been well for Prue romantically.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ the Red ThunderCat covers, thinking to himself ƒ¢â€š¬"I am so DEAD!-
" Try my Jungle Passion. Pure white petals, picked from a flower grown only in Micronesia. I have a wide selection. A scent for every occasion.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark joins in the conversation just then. " You make all the perfumes?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda smiles and tells them " Yes. I was trained as a chemist. Many perfumers are. In fact the goal of a fine perfumer is to cause a 'chemical reaction.' Looking at Clark, she slyly asks " Haven't we met before?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" I think we have. I'm Clark Kent. This is Lois Lane, from the Daily Planet. And this isƒ¢â€š¬‚¦ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark starts to introduce Keith.
" No introductions are needed here. This has to be Keith Partridge from the Partridge Family. I love your music, but why are you here?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Miranda asks.
" I'mƒ¢â€š¬‚¦thinking about a career change.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Wow. Not too soon, I hope. Anyway, Mr. Kent, yes. I was there, yesterday, sampling the competition's new fragrance, and trying out one of my new ones as well.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark continues " Yours had an interesting odor. Is it animal based?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda is intrigued with this question. " You have a remarkable olfactory sense, Mr. Kent. Yes, that particular perfume isƒ¢â€š¬‚¦ quite rare.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" What do you call it?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda answers " I call it, simply, 'Revenge.'ƒ¢â€š¬‚
A little jealousy enters Lois' voice as she asks " Can you tell us the ingredients?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Laughing, Miranda tells her " Come now, Ms. Lane. Surely you don't expect me to give away all my secrets?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Pushing both Keith and Clark away, Lois faces her head on. As she does so, Clark takes the opportunity to scan the room with his telescopic vision. When he finds the atomizer he's looking for, he slips it into his coat pocket at super speed while Lois continues her confrontation. " Look. Let's cut the niceties. Whatever witches brew you sprayed us with made half the newsroom, and apparently most of the JLA go looney tunes in love.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda smiles, which infuriates Lois even more. " It's not funny. People were hurt by what you did, humiliated...Jimmy ƒ¢â€š¬"a good friend of mine ƒ¢â€š¬" almost got killed because of your perfume.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda goes on the defensive, covering her tracks. " You're not suggesting I had anything to do with that, are you? I just sell perfume.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Perfume that makes people crazy.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda then tells her " You know, Ms. Lane, animals are ruled by their sense of smell. We humans think we've evolved beyond that. I'm not so sure. Even so, I have no idea what you're talking about.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ While she is talking, Clark focuses on the carotid artery in Miranda's neck. He can hear her heartbeat racing... Miranda finishes with " Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois exits, frustrated. Clark and Keith join her, and as they walk down the street, she snaps " She's lying.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" I know. Her pulse rate was over one-fifty.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark tells her.
-Careful!- Keith whispers. Clark realizes he's made a blunder. Lois stops him and asks " How do you know that?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark starts scrambling " Uh... it's just an expression, Lois. You know, like...she was going a mile a minute,' 'her pulse rate was over one-fifty.'ƒ¢â€š¬‚
-Nice hustle.- Keith whispers back.
Luckily for Clark, Lois forgets it quickly. " Huh. Must be one of those Kansas expressions. So, we know she did it. How can we prove it?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Grinning, Clark says " Ahhh!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ and pats the atomizer in his pocket.
Later, at Luthor's penthouse office, Miranda enters to find Luthor waiting. He stands to greet her, kisses her hand. Miranda is as cool as the champagne chilling on ice. " Congratulations, Miranda. I'm the first to admit when I've made a mistake. I hope you've given my offer some consideration.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda looks at him and purrs " I've done nothing but think about it. Of course, there are plenty of others who'd be willing to offer me a tidy sum for my formula.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor then grins and states " True, but I'm offering you a full partnership. Fifty-fifty.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Seventy-thirty.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Sixty-forty.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Done.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor grins " Good. Now, come. A toast. To you. To your brilliant success. And... to our new partnership.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ As Luthor moves to open the champagne, poping the cork, Miranda reaches into her bag, pulls out an atomizer. She sprays it on herself, then, in Lex's direction. He turns, walking into the spray, wincing, but paying it no mind as he hands Miranda her glass of champagne.
Miranda smiles " To us.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ They drink. Miranda watches him -- no reaction.
Luthor looks at her. " I'm a bit concerned about the temporary nature of the perfume. Forty-eight hours isn't much time.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Oh, but I'm only using a one percent solution. In its purest form, 'Revenge' would cause a total and permanent breakdown of all inhibitions.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Excellent.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor turns to pour himself another glass. Miranda walks up behind him, puts her arms around his waist. He turns to face her, as she tells him " Lex, I had hoped that this would not just be a business partnership, but more... the way it once was between us.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor thinks better of it and says " I think not, Miranda. I never mix business with other people's pleasure.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" But now... don't you... feel anything toward me?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor thinks about this for a moment. " No, I don't. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a dinner date.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda is pissed when she asks " With Lois Lane?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Yes. Nigel will see you out. We'll talk tomorrow.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ When Miranda turns around, Nigel is behind her, takes her by the arm. Once again, she's being thrown out. Miranda is crushed, heartbroken. Luthor moves to the phone, dials, humors her on her way out, saying " Just think, Miranda. Soon the world will bow to our discovery.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
With a tiny bit of anger, Miranda answers with " Yes. soon, Lex. Soon all of Metropolis will feel the pain ofƒ¢â€š¬‚¦love spurned.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ As she leaves, Luthor looks up for a moment, wondering about her words, but just as quickly forgets them.
Keith is exiting a government lab. Lois & Clark join him outside and ask him about what he's found out. " Looks like Miranda's perfume is loaded with pheromonesƒ¢â€š¬‚¦animal pheromones at that.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois looks oddly at him. " Pheromones. Never heard of 'em.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark takes over here. " Sure you have. Pheromones: 'A chemical substance secreted by animals which produces specific responses to other individuals of the same species.'ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" What'd you do, memorize the dictionary?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" I'm a speed reader.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois frowns " Luckily, the stuff wears off within 48 hours.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Keith then adds " Depending on a person's metabolic rate.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois continues " I still don't get it. I mean, if what Dr. Friedman told Keith is true, this stuff shouldn't work unless you're already physically attracted to the person. Then, it just over-rides our normal restraint.
" Right. There has to be some animal magnetism there to begin with. All this substance does is inhibit that part of your brain that acts as an intellectual defense mechanism, leaving the person helpless to control themselves.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois thinks about this a moment, then... " But that would mean I found you...ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark gets this sly look which Keith catches and grins. Lois continues with " Clark, you got sprayed. How come you didn't fall for me?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark decides to play with her mind. " Guess I'm just not attracted to you, Lois.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois is not buying it. " Liar! You are so attracted to me!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Guess not!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Guess so!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Guess not!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Guess so!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Keith decides to end this sexual stand-off. " Can we please get back to the story now?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Fine by me. What was in the fax Jimmy sent you?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois asks Clark.
" Bio on Miranda. She was first in her class at M.I.T. Guess who funded her research? LexCorp.
" Lex funds half the scientists in Metropolis. He probably doesn't even know who she is. But I'll ask him about her tonight.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois tells them.
" Tonight?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark asks.
Lois digs in with " We're having dinner. He finds me very attractive.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark quickly shoots her down. " Of course, I see he still has a drinking problem.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ He then ducks out of the way of her angry swat.
Meanwhile, Cat tries copying a document as Phil watches. When the copy comes out, an exact duplicate, she stares at it in disgust. " Perfect.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Phil is obviously disappointed as he tells her " Well, I guess my work is done. I've got other service calls to make.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Cat gets an idea, however. " Ahn, ahn, Not so fast.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ She then opens the top of the machine, looks around the room, opens a drawer, pulls out a pair of pliers, and yanks out a cord. She turns to Phil, smiling, as he whimpers in shock.
At this time, Keith, Lois and Clark exit an elevator, walk toward the pit. They notice that, for the most part, hearts and flowers are being carted out. " I heard it's worn off at the Hall Of Justice.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ the Red ThunderCat tells them.
Clark looks around. " I guess it's worn off here, too.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois joins them as they head towards Perry White's office. Perry is at his desk, his head buried in his hands. When he picks his head up they can see that his nose is bandaged. Lois gasps. Keith is stunned, and Clark asks " Chief, what happened?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois takes over. " Does it hurt?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Only when I laugh, although there's very little danger of that happening in the near future.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ The threesome notice some legal documents lie in front of him on the desk. Clark picks one up, reading " ... sexual harassment... Rehalia?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" That's not the worst part. Alice threw me out, called me a 'no good hound dog.' Now I'm livin' at the heartbreak hotel.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Keith tries to cheer him up with what they've learned. " Mr. White, you have a defense. A complete defense.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark then tells him " We found out that a research chemist sprayed a pheromone compound on us...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Perry gets a blank look on his face. " Pherawhat?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Keith continues " Pheromone. It made all of us...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Some of us...ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois quickly interjects.
" Most of usƒ¢â€š¬‚¦ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark corrects them both before continuing " ƒ¢â€š¬‚¦fall wildly in love. Completely beyond our control.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Perry thinks about this for a second, straightens up. " Well, that'll take care of the lawsuit. But not Alice. She'll never have me back.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Fight for her, Chief.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois suggests.
Clark continues " Shower her with presents. Write her poems. Put her on a golden pedestal. Tell her you worship her.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Perry thinks for a minute, brightens for a second, then sags again. " She'll never buy it.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
That night, Luthor and Lois sit at the candlelit table for two. The lights of Metropolis shine below. Breath taken, Lois sighs " It's lovely up here, Lex.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor smiles, then adds " I never was much for crowded restaurants. I prefer to eat alone... present company excepted.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ But, as Lois takes another bite of her salad, Luthor doesn't touch his. Instead, he takes her hand, stares at her in a way in which he haven't done before. Lois quickly notices, asking " What is it, Lex? Are you feeling okay?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Of course. I am never sick. I just... don't think I ever noticed your eyes before. How rich, how deep, like pools of light. A man could drown in those pools.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois is not quite sure what to make of this. " Huh. Thank you.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor releases her hand, tries to shake the feeling. He starts to eat, pours the wine, as Lois continues " Things have been utterly crazy at the Planet. You wouldn't believe...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
But Lex has stopped pouring. He's staring at her, through her. Again, he picks up one of her hands, looks at it. " Your hands.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" What's wrong with my hands?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" They're so graceful. So delicate. Like fine porcelain.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ He then begins to recite:
'Imprison her soft hand and let her rave...
And feed deep, deep upon her peerless eyes...'
By now, Lois is completely bewildered. " You're acting very strange tonight, Lex. How many glasses of wine did you have before I came?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor goes on the defensive. " None. I never drink. I'm never drunk. I am always inƒ¢â€š¬‚¦control.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ He then moves his chair closer to her, saying: " You... are... the... most beautiful creature I have ever seen.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Taking in these words, Lois is staring very hard at a very different Lex Luthor, looking at him with new eyes.
Miranda walks the floor, carrying Daru, talking to herself, half out of her mind with jealousy and hatred... " All of Metropolis. But how?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
She continues to wander. Suddenly, she sees something, moves to the trash can, lifts out the same copy of the Daily Planet that she had taken from Lex Luthor's study...On the front page, she notice two things...One headline reads: Fruit Fly Spraying To continue. The 2nd thing she notices is that the by-line is: Lois Lane.
Miranda then takes a pair of scissors from her drawer, cuts out the article, puts it on her desk, stares at it, takes a deep breath, smiles. She then moves to a locked closet, opens it with a key hung around her neck. From it she removes a large bottle filled with liquid. There are lots of these bottles. The label reads: Revenge - %100 Solution. She next takes a ten gallon can and begins filling it from the bottles. Daru wanders by, licks at a drip on the floor, and meows.
" Not now, Daru. You don't want that.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ She picks the cat up, locks her in her cage. She then returns to her pouring. Suddenly, the cat screams, the snap of metal breaking, and the crash of shattered glass. Miranda looks...and notices the gate to Daru's cage is twisted and broken, as is the window across the room. From outside, another mating scream.
" Mmm, That should do nicely. Love is in the air.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Miranda then takes the scissors and stabs right through the "Lois Lane" byline.
The next day, Billy is going everyone's med files after contacting the Doctor. The one who appeared was the 4th Doctor, with his cavewoman companion, Leela. While the League was under observation, Keith contacted Phoebe, the Flash, Billy and Isis with what he found out the day before. He decided to tell Clark at the Planet. As he gets there, he sees the usual suspects convening for the staff meeting. Things seem to be back to normal: the standard grumpy, miserable, caffeine-guzzling crowd. Clark follows Lois inside, asking " How was your date?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Very... interesting.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" What does that mean?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois reflected " Well, Lex wasn't quite... himself.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark smirked " That must have been a welcome relief.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Keith quickly interrupted with " Did you find out anything else about Miranda?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Um, no.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Jimmy enters, hands Lois a note. " Just delivered.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois smiles. " Thanks. Hey, how're you doing?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Back to normal. Just plain old Jimmy.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ As he leaves, Lois opens the note, reading:
"Dear Lois:
If you want to know everything about 'Revenge,' I will speak to you alone, woman to woman. Meet me at..."
Lois then looks up, sees Clark staring at her. " Anything?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois stammers, glancing back at the note " Nope. Nothing at all.
Perry walks in and sits down, rummages though his papers. Rehalia enters to empty the trash. The room silences as she and Perry exchange polite nods. Clark leans in to Perry. " I assume everything is...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" She dropped the lawsuit.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" And Alice?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" She let me back in. On a trial basis. Son, don't ever beg a woman to take you back. Chances are, they will.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Perry then looks around the table at the donut-eating, coffee drinking staffers. " What is this, the Betty Crocker bake off? Let's get started. Lois, thanks for the fruit fly re-write. Now, you and Clark are working on that pheromone thing, right?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Just then, April enters, moves to Cat's desk and sits down. Jimmy gets up, starts to exit... " I gotta go, Chief. I gotta talk to her.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Not on my time you don't.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Jimmy ignores this, and leaves. " Jimmy! Blast that kid!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Cat enters, and sits down. Lois turns to her, snapping " How much of that stuff did you get sprayed with? You seem to be pretty insatiable, even for, wellƒ¢â€š¬‚¦ you.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Cat is confused. " Sprayed? I don't know what you're talking about. I never got sprayed.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
As everyone smiles to themselves, Jimmy comes out of the conference room and approaches April. " April, I wanted to explain...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" No explanation necessary. I meet creeps like you every day.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" But that's the point. I'm not a creep. I'm Jimmy Olsen, would-be famous photojournalist. All around nice guy. All around... nobody. I'm sorry I came on to you the way I did. I wasn't... myself.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
April looks at him, smiles. " You know, it's too bad.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" What?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Well, for a nobody, you're kinda cute.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
The staff meeting is over, and the group piles out from the conference room, stops to look at Jimmy with April. April, having noticed the crowd form, grabs a hold of Jimmy's shirt, pulls him toward her, kisses him on the lips. When she finishes, she walks into a waiting elevator. When Jimmy turns around to face the pit, they erupt in applause. After 2 minutes of this, Lois grabs her stuff off her desk. Innocently, she says I'm going to run a few errands. See you later.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Knowing better, Clark stares after her.
Lex, still dressed in his dinner clothes from the previous evening with Lois, awakes with a start from his chair. He puts his hand to his forehead -- also feeling like he's got a hangover. Nigel enters with a large bowl and pitcher. " Good morning, sir. We thought it best not to wake you when you dozed off.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Still groggy, Luthor asks " I've slept here all night?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Yes, sir. Was I wrong to...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" No, no.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Quickly remembering about the night before, he then asks " Ms. Lane? What time did she...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" She left early sir, if you'll recall. I drove her home.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor is indeed grateful. " Yes, yes... I am beginning to recall...ƒ¢â€š¬‚ He then gets up, walks toward the bowl as Nigel pours the sparkling water into it, and stands at the ready with a towel. Luthor cups his hands into the water, splashing it on his face. And as he cups and gets ready to splash once more, it suddenly all comes back to him in dreamy flashback...his dinner with Lois...hearing the spray from the atomizer behind him... remembering Miranda's words... "All of Metropolis will know the pain of love spurned."
Luthor looks at Nigel. " Send for my valet. I need to dress and leave immediately.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Nigel is perplexed. " To the board room, sir?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Urgency marks his words as he says " No. The Daily Planet. I have to find him. He's the only one who can stop her.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Who?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor yells " Superman!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ as he makes a rather hasty exit.
Around this time, Lois is pulling up in her car, gets out, and walks into the open hangar. A plane is ready for take-off. Big barrels of the fruit fly spray, malathion, are in evidence. " Miranda?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ she calls out.
Miranda appears out of nowhere. She's wearing a black jumpsuit, with a long aviator scarf and goggles. " Lois. Good of you to come. I have everything all ready for you.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Ready?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda smiles evilly before speaking " Yes. Of course, it was rather difficult, replacing the malathion with my formula.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Lois is perplexed. " I don't understand.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" No, dear, you don't. But soon you will.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Miranda then takes out a different atomizer from her pocket and sprays Lois, who starts to cough. She then resumes " And then, you'll die slowly, painfully. God, love hurts.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Choking, Lois asks " Why me?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ She then loses consciousness, and falls to the floor.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda sighs and tells her " Jealous, I guess. If I can't have Lex, nobody can.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark stands to greet Luthor as he approaches his desk. " Where's Lois?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" She went to run an errand. What's going on?ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Suspicion rises in Mr. Kent.
Luthor quickly states " Well, I wanted to apologize to her for my behavior last night.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" What behavior was that?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" That's not important now. The important thing is... Miranda.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ This makes Clark even more suspicious. " So, you do know her.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor then comes clean. " Yes. She was working under my auspices. Last night she sprayed me with her pheromone compound to make me fall in love with her, but it backfired and somehow when Lois came in...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Getting the picture, Clark interrupts with " What exactly went on last night?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Again, that's not important. The important thing is we have to get to Superman.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Superman?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Yes. He's the only one who can stop her. The entire city is in danger.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ He then leans in towards Clark and adds " Yesterday Miranda made a threat. I believe she's planning on releasing her 'Revenge' all over Metropolis. Can you imagine... an entire city in love?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" At least it'd wear off in 48 hours.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark reasons.
Luthor counters with " Not if she uses the100 percent solution. That's permanent.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Quickly seeing the future, Clark frowns " Emotions run wild. Love turns to despair, depression, hatred...ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Sodom and Gomorrah. A city without restraint.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark adds " Without morality. I'll fax the police, give them Miranda's description, then get to Superman... somehow.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark then races off, disappearing into another area of the newsroom. Luthor stands there a moment, then Jimmy walks by, points to his watch. " Almost four. Make sure to get those pets inside.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Distracted for a second, Luthor turns and asks " What?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" The fruit fly spraying. Starts at four. It'll be all over the city.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor nods, then freezes, then races toward the elevators.
Superman, using his telescopic vision, desperately searches the city for Miranda. Deciding he needs help, he contacts Billy, the Blue Morphin Ranger. " Billy, get some help! Miranda's about to strikeƒ¢â€š¬‚¦now!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Billy quickly tells him " Keith, Phoebe, the Flash, and Isis are here. We'll teleport there now.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Just then, the plane taxis down the runway. A very groggy Lois wakes to find herself hanging over a vat. A sign above it reads: Toxic Malathion. Hand-lettered below the sign is a note which reads:
Bye Lois.
Have a nice, slow death.
Love, Miranda.
The noise that woke Lois was the pulley starting up, now slowly lowering her into the deadly chemicals. She starts screaming.
The Red ThunderCat, Isis, and the Flash are there, and take care of some small pockets of pheromone spray explosions, while Phoebe and Billy try to save Lois. Billy leaps up to the pulley, and Phoebe tries to stop the movement. Both of them, however, can't break the cable. Lois is still screaming.
Fortunately, Superman hears Lois' screams, swoops down, just as Lois is about to reach the toxic mixture. Superman lands, pushes the vat aside, then melts the cable with his heat vision. Lois falls into his arms. " Are you all right?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Yes, now I am. But... the plane. She's going to spray the city!ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Hearing this, Superman and Isis leap up into the air. Lois joins Billy, Keith, the Flash, Lex and the police, who all look skyward.
Isis takes care of a cloud that Miranda has seeded with the potion, while Superman flashes across the sky, chasing the plane that Miranda pilots. Suddenly, from outside on the wing, a thud. The plane tips momentarily. She looks out the window, sees Superman. She reaches for the release lever... starts releasing the spray. " Ha hah ha.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Superman flies behind the plane, twists the release valve to plug it up. A small amount of the spray already released is sucked up by Superman, who then flies over to Miranda. She stretches her head out the window, desperately trying to locate Superman. She glances down at the controls for a moment, and when she looks back, Superman is now hanging outside her window, his face directly in line with hers. He smiles, then blows a tiny whiff of the formula he inhaled at Miranda. Miranda starts to cough, then, looks out the window, stares at Superman in a very different way. Dreamily, she asks " Superman. Where are you going?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Why don't you follow me?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Oh, anywhere, honey.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Miranda then obediently follows him to the airstrip.
The police, along with Phoebe, the Flash, the Red ThunderCat, Blue Morphin Ranger, and Isis are there with Lois and late arrival Lex Luthor. He runs up to Lois. " Are you all right?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Miranda is escorted off the plane and into the waiting hands of the police. Lois rushes up to him. " Superman... it's lucky that stuff doesn't have any effect on you...or does it?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Superman thinks about this for a moment, snickers, turns his back to Lois, breaks into a smile, then loses it and turns back to Lois, saying " Lois Lane. I love you.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
There is a resounding " AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ from the other heroes there.
" Oh, Superman. You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say those words. But you're not yourself, and I couldn't take advantage of this situation.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois then reconsiders, and says " Oh, what the heck!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Lois then throws herself into his arms and they kiss passionately.
Luthor is thoroughly disgusted. " Oh, no. Lois, don't...I may throw up.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
The police lead Miranda away. She calls out to Superman and Luthor. " Don't let them take me away! Superman I love you! No, wait, Lex, I love you, will you wait for me?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor considers it for a second, thenƒ¢â€š¬‚¦ " No.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
The police put her in the squad car. Luthor looks at Superman. " Will Miranda be permanently...?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" No, I diluted it. It'll wear off soon. Now, if you'll excuse me, Ms. Laneƒ¢â€š¬‚¦I've got to fly.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Which he does. And Lois sighs dreamily, falling into the Red ThunderCat's arms.
Back at the JLA satellite, the other heroes are still recovering from the effects of Miranda's spray. Green Lantern and Black Canary are still avoiding each other. Turning to GL, Canary tells him " The last 2 nightsƒ¢â€š¬‚¦they never happened!ƒ¢â€š¬‚ and splits, while Batman & Wonder Woman seem to be connected at the hipƒ¢â€š¬‚¦for now. Keith smiles, wondering how much fun he and Phoebe are going to have making everyone nervous.
Meanwhile, in his suite, Luthor sits at his desk, burning one-thousand dollar bills. Nigel comes in, asking " Sir, is everything all right?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Luthor sighs, and responds with " No. Nigel. Something terrible's happened. Something catastrophic.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Nigel asks " The collapse of the world financial market?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" No, Nigel. Worse. Far worse.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Luthor stands, walks over to the balcony, and looks out at the city below him before continuing " Not like you, or any other average person perhaps, but in my own strange, and perverted sort of way, I've... succumbed. I'm in love. Hopelessly, eternally. I'm in love with Lois Lane.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" It's the perfume, sir. Your mind is clouded.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Nigel tries to reason.
Considering this, Luthor disagrees " No, Nigel, I'm really in love with her.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ He then says mournfully " I'm doomed.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
And in the Daily Planet break room, Lois and Clark take their coffee break in the eating area. Lois speaks up then, " It's incredible. Love without boundaries, without insecurities or hang-ups or reasoning. You could be swept off your feet by just about... anybody.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Your problem, Lois, is that you can't admit your true feelings.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Clark tells her point blank.
Lois has taken the bait. " That's ridiculous. Okay, maybe somewhere, buried incredibly deep inside me, is some eensy weensy, microcosmic althoughƒ¢â€š¬‚¦highly unlikely possibility that I could feel some sort of unmotivatedƒ¢â€š¬‚¦and completely unrealistic attraction to you.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
Clark has decided to stop for now. " Just as long as you're being honest with yourself, Lois.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ She, however, will not leave well enough alone. " I even figured out why I was blind enough to think you looked like Superman.ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Oh, really? And why was that?ƒ¢â€š¬‚
" Simple. Every woman in love thinks her man looks like Superman.ƒ¢â€š¬‚ Thinking she has made her point, Lois stands and walks away, leaving Clark to shake his head and stare, wondering if love will eventually conquer all.
The End